Late Night Political Jokes - February - Week #2
“Well, it’s Thursday. You know what that means? Another Obama Cabinet member nominee has quit.” –Jay Leno
“Well, just a few days after being nominated, New Hampshire Sen. Judd Gregg has withdrawn as the nominee for Commerce Secretary. In a statement explaining why he turned it down, he cited ‘irresolvable conflict.’ So, apparently, he must have paid his taxes.” –Jay Leno
“Michigan Congressman John Dingell has set the all-time record as the longest serving member of the U.S. House of Representatives. He’s been there 19,421 days. That’s the longest a member of Congress has ever been in one place well, if you don’t count federal prison.” –Jay Leno
“I tell you, the economy is in bad shape. In fact, airlines are now charging extra if you want peanuts without salmonella.” –Jay Leno
“I don’t know what the deal is, but all of a sudden, we have 40- and 50 mile-an-hour gusts of wind blowing around outside. In fact, it is so windy, former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich’s hair actually moved.” –David Letterman
“Happy birthday to Abraham Lincoln, who was born 200 years ago today. And to mark the occasion, former Vice President Dick Cheney, earlier today, went into a theater and shot a guy.” –David Letterman
“Don’t you have a feeling it’s going to be a long time before we have a vice president who shoots a guy in the face? Just doesn’t happen that often.” –David Letterman
“John McCain’s in the news. This week, Sen. John McCain sent out an e-mail to his supporters announcing that he’s running for re-election in 2010. Yeah. Isn’t that incredible? John McCain knows how to use e-mail.” –Conan O’Brien
“How about this? A celebrity birthday. Today is Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin’s birthday. I’m not saying how old is, but from her house, she can see 50.” –David Letterman
“Sarah Palin is actually 45 years old today, and just to tell you a little something about me — Sarah Palin, I think, is the first vice presidential candidate that I have pictured naked. Well, since Lloyd Bentsen.” –David Letterman
“But Sarah Palin had a big birthday celebration up there in Alaska. She celebrated by shooting wolf cubs from a helicopter. Later, she shot the cake.” –David Letterman
“Prosecutors have asked a Federal judge to send Marion Barry, the former mayor of Washington, D.C., to jail for failing to file tax returns for the eighth time in nine years. Hasn’t paid taxes for eight years straight. So for Barry, it’s either jail or a cabinet position in the Obama administration. Either one.” –Jay Leno
