The girls asked Jimmy about his recent breakup with Sarah Silverman, and he told the nosy gals that the only thing better than breaking up is going on “The View” right afterward.  “It’s living a dream,” Jimmy said.

Watch the video here:

“And listen to this. While she was in China, she also managed to get a pirated copy of the movie ‘The Watchmen,’ which hasn’t even come out yet. They already have it. She bought it on the street. Fantastic.” –Jay Leno

“And at his trial this week, the Iraqi journalist, remember the one who threw his shoes at President Bush, remember that guy? Well, he said he rehearsed the attack for two years, rehearsed it for two years, even videotaped himself doing it. Well, how embarrassing is that? Guy practiced for two years and he still missed?” –Jay Leno

“Secretary of state Hillary Clinton was in Japan this week, where she had kind of an awkward moment. I guess she saw a couple of sumo wrestlers and said to the Japanese prime minister, ‘Oh, you have interns here, too.’” –Jay Leno

“Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi met with the Pope this week. After the meeting, Pelosi asked for the Pope’s blessing, and he agreed. But there was an embarrassing moment when the Pope asked her to close her eyes. Pelosi said, ‘You know, I can’t. They don’t really close.’ ” –Jay Leno

“Sarah Palin, the governor of Alaska, owes $70,000 in taxes, but listen to this. She’s blaming it on Alex Rodriguez’s cousin.” –David Letterman

“Luckily, Sarah Palin can see the IRS from her house.” –David Letterman

“Are you excited about the Academy Awards? There is a film in the Best Documentary category about Vice President Dick Cheney and his relationship with the Saudis. And you know what the name of that one is? ‘Lawrence of Arrhythmia.’” –David Letterman

“One of the largest Swiss banks is revealing its secret client list to the IRS Look at the headline: ‘Swiss Bank to Reveal Secrets.’ The story is in The New York Times so you know it’s partially true!” –Craig Ferguson

“President Obama made his first trip abroad today. He visited Canada, and let me tell you something: If Obama can finally mend our relationship with Canada, well then we’ll know this guy really is on to something.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Critics say the problem is people don’t understand what is in the budget. Well, of course, we don’t understand. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger is explaining this to us. ‘Yeah, da budget is here with da money. You see, with da hydrogen and da green people, sometime you take it from here, and you put here, with da solar power!’” –Jay Leno

“Hey, the market went up three points today, so the stimulus package is working. Yeah! It’s a miracle!” –Jay Leno

“Yesterday, President Obama signed the stimulus bill in Denver, Colorado. He picked Denver because our debt is now a mile high.” –Jay Leno

“President Obama, today, outlined his plan to deal with the mortgage mess and the housing crisis. The good news — he thinks he’s found a solution. The bad news — it involves arson.” –Jay Leno

“Hillary Clinton is on her first world trip around the world as secretary of state. She’s on tour in Asia. Hillary’s in Asia. Bill’s in heaven.” –David Letterman

“Right now, Hillary is visiting China. She’s trying to stop the proliferation of doorknob menus.” –David Letterman

“President Obama was in Arizona today, talking about his plan to help ease the home mortgage crisis. It seemed like a strange place to announce his plan, since most of the homes in Arizona are owned by John McCain.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Yesterday, of course, Presidents Day. And Congress commemorated George Washington’s throwing a dollar across the Potomac by tossing $787 billion down a rat hole.” –Jay Leno

“No, they said the stimulus package will give people an extra $13 in their paychecks. So, next time the bank starts closing in, you go, ‘Hey, hey, hey! I got 13 smackaroonies coming in.’” –Jay Leno

“And, you know, you got to admit, President Obama gives great speeches. Like, today, instead of just saying, ‘Oh, from North to South,’ he said, ‘From the windy plains of the Dakotas to the sunny skies of Arizona.’ That sounds so much better than, ‘From the sleaze ball criminal element of Wall Street to the broke-a@# beaches of California.’” –Jay Leno

“And police in Mexico found a pickup truck with side panels and bumpers that were made entirely of cocaine. Police got suspicious when the guy had a minor fender bender and claimed $2.5 million in damages.” –Jay Leno

“You remember Hillary Clinton? She has been married to Bubba for quite a while. Well, she is now the secretary of state, and she is on her first big round the world tour. She is on her big Asian tour. She wants to normalize relations with North Korea. No word yet about normalizing relations with Bill.” –David Letterman

“They were talking to Hillary about what Bill gave her for Valentine’s Day, and I thought this was surprising: sexy lingerie. Well, he had to after she found it in his glove compartment.” –David Letterman

“I want to tell you something. You think it’s tough in New York City, California is bankrupt. Yeah, things are so - here’s how bad things are California. They’ve canceled the next three mudslides.” –David Letterman

“Only three Republicans voted for the stimulus bill. The rest are withholding their votes so that they can blame Obama if it doesn’t work, which is perfectly acceptable. This is what politicians do. But I saw an article last week that said, ‘Is Obama’s Presidency already a failure?’ What I think has happened to Obama is this. It is kind of like George W. Bush was in the restroom before him and then came out and went away. And Obama’s gone in and he’s found something awful there.” –Craig Ferguson

“I think everybody should just calm down. Give Obama four years. See what he can do. Then if he’s a miserable failure, we’ll do what we did with George W. Bush and elect him to a second term.” –Craig Ferguson

“We have four shows left, including tonight. It’s weird, I was thinking about it today. When we went on the air in 1993, I had no way of knowing that 16 years later we’d have an African-American president. Then again, Barack Obama had no way of knowing that an albino would be taking over ‘The Tonight Show.’” –Conan O’Brien

“President Obama today signed his trillion dollar economic stimulus bill into law. The spending package passed through Congress with almost no Republican support, but Obama says he’s still focused on bringing real bipartisanship to government. He even went so far as to send every Republican in Congress today a jar of peanuts, which I thought was nice.” –Jimmy Kimmel

Click on the link below to view the official video, or you can watch the YouTube version.

Click Here for our Collection of Political Jokes from Jay Leno, David Letterman, Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel

“Well, just a few days after being nominated, New Hampshire Sen. Judd Gregg has withdrawn as the nominee for Commerce Secretary. In a statement explaining why he turned it down, he cited ‘irresolvable conflict.’ So, apparently, he must have paid his taxes.” –Jay Leno

“Michigan Congressman John Dingell has set the all-time record as the longest serving member of the U.S. House of Representatives. He’s been there 19,421 days. That’s the longest a member of Congress has ever been in one place well, if you don’t count federal prison.” –Jay Leno

“I tell you, the economy is in bad shape. In fact, airlines are now charging extra if you want peanuts without salmonella.” –Jay Leno

“I don’t know what the deal is, but all of a sudden, we have 40- and 50 mile-an-hour gusts of wind blowing around outside. In fact, it is so windy, former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich’s hair actually moved.” –David Letterman

“Happy birthday to Abraham Lincoln, who was born 200 years ago today. And to mark the occasion, former Vice President Dick Cheney, earlier today, went into a theater and shot a guy.” –David Letterman

“Don’t you have a feeling it’s going to be a long time before we have a vice president who shoots a guy in the face? Just doesn’t happen that often.” –David Letterman

“John McCain’s in the news. This week, Sen. John McCain sent out an e-mail to his supporters announcing that he’s running for re-election in 2010. Yeah. Isn’t that incredible? John McCain knows how to use e-mail.” –Conan O’Brien

“How about this? A celebrity birthday. Today is Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin’s birthday. I’m not saying how old is, but from her house, she can see 50.” –David Letterman

“Sarah Palin is actually 45 years old today, and just to tell you a little something about me — Sarah Palin, I think, is the first vice presidential candidate that I have pictured naked. Well, since Lloyd Bentsen.” –David Letterman

“But Sarah Palin had a big birthday celebration up there in Alaska. She celebrated by shooting wolf cubs from a helicopter. Later, she shot the cake.” –David Letterman

“Prosecutors have asked a Federal judge to send Marion Barry, the former mayor of Washington, D.C., to jail for failing to file tax returns for the eighth time in nine years. Hasn’t paid taxes for eight years straight. So for Barry, it’s either jail or a cabinet position in the Obama administration. Either one.” –Jay Leno

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“See, the whole theory behind this salary cap is if you’re not performing well, and you’re taking taxpayer money, then that should be reflected in lower wages. Of course, under that criteria, everybody in Congress should get like, what, 2 bucks an hour?” –Jay Leno

“The rest of the country might not know this: Today is Furlough Friday here in California. Furlough Friday, where 200,000 — the state is so broke, 200,000 workers are asked to stay home without pay as a cash-saving measure. This is what I love about California: They make it sound like it’s fun. Oh, Furlough Friday. What’s the next big holiday, Selling-Your-Blood-For-Money Saturday?” –Jay Leno

“It looks like more than 13,000 people were caught up in that Bernard Madoff Ponzi scheme. You know what a Ponzi scheme is? That’s where you throw good money after bad, or as the government calls it, a stimulus package. But very similar.” –Jay Leno

“People are sick and tired of the cold weather. Here’s how cold it was today in Washington, D.C. Vice President Joe Biden put his foot in his mouth just to keep it warm.” –David Letterman

“Monday is the Westminster Kennel Club’s 133rd Annual Dog Show. As you know, these just aren’t regular dogs. These dogs are scrutinized and gone over, literally, with a fine-tooth comb. And they’re judged, here’s how they’re judged: appearance, of course, appearance. Silky coat, silky coat. Firm hindquarters, firm hindquarters. It’s also how John McCain chose his running mate.” –David Letterman

“So every dog is groomed, blow-dried and flea-dipped. You know, it’s the same thing they did to former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich for the impeachment trial.” –David Letterman

“And Citigroup, who received a huge bailout from the government, owns the naming rights to the New York Mets’ new stadium. It is currently called Citi Field, but because of Barack Obama’s crackdown on the Federal bailout money, Citigroup will legally have to change the name of the stadium to Money Grubbing Bastards Field.” –Jay Leno

“Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi recently said that every month that we do not have an economic recovery package, ‘500 million Americans lose their jobs.’ I think the Botox is starting to seep into her brain.” –Jay Leno

“And the US Postal Service says they may cut postal service from six days to five days a week. They say they’re losing money because people aren’t using the postal service as much as they used to. If you’d like to complain, you can e-mail the complaint to uspostalservice.com.” –Jay Leno

The new US energy secretary predicts agriculture in California will disappear in this century because of global warming. He said people in California will no longer grow crops, except those who are growing them in their basements, attics, and garages.” –Jay Leno

“Either today or yesterday, Barack Obama said Americans are ’sick and tired’ of people ‘being rewarded for failure.’ Is he talking about me?” –David Letterman

“I’m sorry you folks weren’t here last night, because you missed a big show. Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich was here. You know, it’s funny. The audience really liked him, but they impeached me.” –David Letterman

“You realize Obama would have less tax problems if he had nominated Willie Nelson and Wesley Snipes. They actually have better records than most of these people.” –Jay Leno

“This is kind of frightening. Al Gore told Congress last week the global warming scenario is worse than previously predicted. Worse than predicted? Wasn’t the first prediction we’re all going to fry to death? Huh? What’s worse than that? Is it going to be humid, too? Is that it?” –Jay Leno

“And it was on this very day in 1690 that the very first paper money in America was issued in Massachusetts. It was issued by a man named Merrill Lynch, who used the money to give himself the first huge bonus.” –Jay Leno

“And the Smithsonian Institute wants the hat that Aretha Franklin wore at President Obama’s inauguration. They want to put the hat on display, and they will take possession of the hat as soon as they can build a new wing to house it. ” –Jay Leno

“This weekend, the Republican National Committee elected their first-ever African-American chairman. His name is Michael Steele, or as he’s known in the Republican Party, ‘the black guy.’” –Conan O’Brien

“Happy birthday to former Vice President Dick Cheney, who is now 68 years old. So you know what that means? He beat the spread.” –Jay Leno

“And the half brother of Barack Obama, a man named George Obama, has been arrested in Kenya for allegedly having drugs. See, here we go again with the dumb presidential brothers. Remember Billy Carter? Then there was Roger Clinton, Bill Clinton’s brother. See, we never had that problem with President Bush. He was already the dumb brother. ” –Jay Leno

“There was a huge scientific breakthrough today. Researchers say they are very close to finding someone from Obama’s Cabinet who’s actually paid their taxes.” –Jay Leno

“Tom Daschle, whom President Obama wants as secretary of health and human services, apparently did not pay $128,000 in taxes that he owes the government. Did you realize President Obama hasn’t had a cabinet member with an embarrassing tax problem like this since the last guy they appointed?” –Jay Leno

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10. Star in new television series, “America’s Funniest Haircuts.”
9. Quit politics and become a fat, lovable mall cop.
8. Start pronouncing last name with Jerry Lewis-like “BLAGOOOOYYYYYJEVICH.”
7. Offer a senate seat with no money down, zero percent interest.
6. Team up with John Malkovich and Erin Brockovich for hot Malkovich-Brockovich-Blagojevich sex tape.
5. Change his name to Barod Obamavich.
4. Safely land an Airbus on the Hudson River.
3. I don’t know … how about showing up for his impeachment trial?
2. Wear sexy dresses, high heels and say, “You Betcha!” a lot.
1. Uhhh…resign?

“Former President Bush is back at his place in Texas. It’s known as Rancho Inepto.” –David Letterman

“Bush is not worrying about the country. No, it’s like he’s still president.” –David Letterman

“But I got to say, so far so good for the Obamas. The family is settled in. There’s the President and his wife and the kids and the mother-in-law. And they’re settling nicely. The only problem, the only complaint — and they don’t want to make trouble — but the only complaint is they can still hear creepy organ music coming from Dick Cheney’s dungeon.” –David Letterman

“But moving out, Dick Cheney hurt his back. Did you hear about this? He was packing up his junk and moving out of his office, and he hurt himself. So apparently, the door did just hit him in the ass on the way out.” –David Letterman

“Citigroup just got $45 billion of our tax dollars. Did you see what they bought themselves? They spent $50 million on a brand new, French-made private jet for their executives. Has a bar, private entertainment center, seating for 12. You know, if there’s ever a reason to reopen Guantanamo Bay, this is it, okay. That’s our jet! We should be taking that. They should be on Southwest.” –Jay Leno

“And Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich’s impeachment trial got under way today. But he was not there. He didn’t go. He went on ‘The View’ instead, which is a pretty smart move, because it will help his case when he pleads insanity.” –Jay Leno

“Man, you could not watch television today without seeing Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, who is saying all these crazy things about himself. Blagojevich did all these interviews, and in one of them, he compared himself to Martin Luther King. Yeah, Blagojevich said, ‘I have a dream, and for 100 bucks, I’ll tell you about it.’” –Conan O’Brien

“Looks like the Obamas have already helped the economy. J. Crew stock has gone up 10%, because First Lady Michelle Obama has been spotted wearing their clothes. Which begs the question, Mr. Obama, how would you feel about wearing a Buick?” –Conan O’Brien

“I was thinking about the inauguration. It was pretty amazing. There were two million people crammed into that mall this week. Two million people. Not one arrest. Not one crime was committed in Washington. Of course, that will all change now that Congress is back.” –Jay Leno

“The official temperature at the inauguration was 18 degrees. John McCain said it was so cold his teeth were chattering, and they were in his pocket at the time.” –Jay Leno

“Hey, did you hear about this? Today it was revealed that the chamber music they played, you know Itzhak Perlman and Yo-Yo Ma? It was recorded. It was pre-recorded, and they were just kind of lip-syncing. They said it was too important to mess up. You know, unlike the swearing-in ceremony.” –Jay Leno

“You all heard about that, how Justice John Roberts screwed up the oath of office. Then, the other night, Roberts went to the White House, and they did it over again, which is completely unprecedented. That’s never happened. Not messing up the oath, having someone in government actually go back and fix something.” –Jay Leno

“President Barack Obama has signed an executive order officially banning torture in the United States. You know what that means? ABC may be forced to cancel ‘The View.’” –Jay Leno

“After lots of discussion and intervention by the Secret Service, Barack Obama will be allowed to keep his BlackBerry, but his use of it will be limited. So I guess it’s gonna be on Verizon.” –Jay Leno

“It was announced today they’re coming out with an official Inauguration Day DVD. Listen to this, it’s going to contain a lot of extras, including the Supreme Court Justice John Roberts blooper reel. You don’t want to miss this.” –Jay Leno

“President Barack Obama signed an executive order calling for the closure of Guantanamo Bay within a year. Actually, you know how he can close it faster? Make it a bank, okay? It’ll shut down.” –Jay Leno

“He’s really getting tough. Yesterday, President Obama issued an executive order banning gifts from lobbyists, any gifts to anyone serving in his administration. In fact, today they went down and removed the gas pump that Exxon installed in Dick Cheney’s office.” –Jay Leno

“Caroline Kennedy, who was hoping to fill in Hillary Clinton’s vacant Senate seat, has now taken her name out of contention. She’s out of it. New York Times reports that the reason Caroline Kennedy dropped out is because of housekeeper and tax issues. Dropped out ’cause of tax issues. The good news, she’s still eligible to be treasury secretary.” –Jay Leno
“Today, you probably heard this, President Obama signed the order to close the prison at Guantanamo Bay. Yeah. That’s big. Closing it down. And, in the spirit of ending torture, Obama also ended the New Kids on the Block tour.” –Conan O’Brien

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“Well, did you all see Obama’s speech? He said America is finally ready to lead again, to which Bush said: ‘Hey, I’m sitting here! Hello! I’m still here!’” –Jay Leno

“I thought Obama gave a great speech. But I think he may have promised too much, like when he promised to bring the dog from the ‘Marley & Me’ movie back to life. That seemed over the top to me.” –Jay Leno

“Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts made a mistake during the swearing in of Barack Obama. That’s the second mistake the Supreme Court has made with a president, if you count the time they declared Bush the winner.” –Jay Leno

“Everybody was using superlatives today to talk about this historic day, all the broadcasters. During NBC’s coverage, Brian Williams said that the inauguration is like the Super Bowl. Yeah. The only difference is that the New York Jets had a chance to go to the inauguration.” –Conan O’Brien

“Officials at the White House say that President Bush completed his last piece of official business in the Oval Office at 6:00 am this morning. Yep. Bush says it should take Obama weeks to find where he hid the dead fish.” –Conan O’Brien

“Now, people who went to elementary school with Barack Obama say that they remember him as a chubby boy named Barry. Yeah. And folks, even as we speak, those people’s tax returns are being audited.” –Conan O’Brien

“Barack Obama is the new President of the United States, our 44th. As our first African-American president, Obama fulfills the dream of Dr. Martin Luther King, and as our first Hawaiian president, he fulfills the dream of Don Ho.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“They estimate that around two million people crowded in to the National Mall to see Obama’s swearing-in ceremony, which is the first time a mall has been crowded in about a year.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“You know, I tell you something, it’s silly to say that President Bush was the worst president of all time. We don’t know that. All we can say is that he was the worst president so far, right?” –Jimmy Kimmel

“This is also Dick Cheney’s last full day in office. Actually, he spent the entire day trying to get the price of gas back up to $4 a gallon.” –Jay Leno

“And if you watch the news, you know a lot of celebrities in Washington for the inauguration. Isn’t that unbelievable? So many celebrities are out of town, over in Malibu, they had to close the Promises Rehab Center for a week.” –Jay Leno

“Good luck trying to find a place to stay. Given how hard it is to get a room in Washington, even Bill and Hillary had to double up. ” –Jay Leno

“And that was quite a pre-inaugural show they put on in Washington yesterday. Then Barack Obama got up and he told the crowd that ‘anything is possible in America’ except, of course, the Eagles being in the Super Bowl.” –Jay Leno

“Osama bin Laden has released a new tape where he displays a shortness of breath, and experts say it raises questions about his health. See, that’s how you know this war has been going on too long, okay. When our enemies start dying of natural causes.” –Jay Leno

“In less than 12 hours, Barack Obama will be sworn in as the next President. Yeah. Actually, if I were you — if I were you, I wouldn’t cheer. You’d be surprised how much President Bush can screw up in 12 hours. He just launched an attack on the Bahamas, okay?’” –Conan O’Brien

“They’re going nuts in Washington, though. The festivities have already begun. Yesterday, in Washington, Barack Obama was on hand — did you see this? For performances by Jon Bon Jovi, Garth Brooks and John Mellencamp. Yeah. So, folks, it really is a new era for African-Americans. All the music they love.” –Conan O’Brien

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Shoe-wielding Iraqi journalist Muntadar al-Zaidi, who was catapulted to international prominence after throwing his shoes at President Bush during a press conference in Iraq, is now the star of the latest in viral Web games.

“Sock and Awe” — named after the military doctrine employed in the US operation to remove Saddam Hussein from power in Iraq — allows players to throw shoes at a figure of President Bush, as he ducks behind a podium.

Click on the image below to play the game: